Every once in a while I'm listening to the radio with my kids and a song I really like comes on. "Grenade" by Bruno Mars appears to be one of those songs. Although I feel like I"m watching Donny Osmond when I watch the video - the guy is just a kid himself it would seem - it's a heart felt song about unrequited love. It's innocently tragic and sweetly melodious. Any of you old fogies out there might want to branch out and check it out. Any of you youngies out there most likely already have.
The video can be viewed at www.brunomars.com. I'll see if I can figure out how to put it on the sidebar of the blog but if not you may check it out on your own.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
It's Not About The Kids
I am immensely proud of my children. They are fabulous people. I love to hear and see them laugh and get along with each other, their friends, or their dad and me. I enjoy watching them grow and learn. They exasperate me over and over again but I know that much of that is my own impatience and ignorance. I work on that.
Now though, I'm realizing that the stage and place in my life for total absorption in the lives of the children is passing. "There is a time for all seasons and a season for all things." (misquote from a proverb or psalm). I'm not exactly sure what season I'm in right now but I know it is different than before.
Oh, the seasons that I've had. I've had the time of dolls, cars, Easter bunny and Santa clause - childhood wonders and continual discovery. I've idolized my mother and thought my father was as handsome as Elvis Presley (the young one of course). I had the zits and the moodiness, the uncertainty and aloneness of those teenage years. 'I kissed the boys and made them run', exploring a more feminine side of myself. I studied, learned that I knew so much and not much at all. I entered a lifelong love commitment, started a family and lived in babyland for too many years to go into. Now the horizon is a shade of orange - it's a different shade than I've seen before although I've heard talk of it. And it's exciting.
I've done a couple new things lately. I've started running as I mentioned in one of my latest entries. I've taken a stained glass class and discovered that I was correct in thinking I would absolutely love it. One more class to learn to do the welding and then an acid etching bonus class and I'll be on my way to creating my own masterpieces - something I'm looking extremely forward to. I'm writing more and attempting to reignite my latent drawing talents. I guess I feel like I'm on a new road.
Are you on a new road? Which season is it in your life right now? Are you able to live in this moment and enjoy it? You know, I look around my house and see the litter of past seasons. There are still a few baby toys about. There are tons of paper things I have to decide how to organize (how many pictures your three, four, seven, ten year old drew is necessary to keep for those later years when you ... what exactly do people ever do with those drawings?) I have half done crafts from when I was doing crafts; tons of cut outs for quilts when I started my quilting; office supplies from a long dead business; pictures of the past forty-some years of my life. All of these things cluttering up my house and my head. I don't want to ever part with the lessons I've learned or the laughter I hear from the memories those things bring to mind but I also only seem to have room for so much. Are you cluttered with stuff in your living space or only in your head?
Fulfillment - personal fulfillment - seems to be pressing out from within me. I want personal fulfillment. I want a sense of a job well done. I want a sense of time passing in a pleasant whirlwind of achievement and personal satisfaction. I want continued love and laughter surrounding me and I want love and laughter to spring forth from within me - spilling everywhere.
Is that too much to ask?
It doesn't feel like it is right now. I don't care too much if I look sexy - although I love feeling sexy. I don't care too much if what I do meets with 'their' approval - although I want to accomplish things. I feel like right now I`m looking for recognition from myself.
Oprah may be criticized my some and revered my many but recently I read such an interesting article in her magazine about those women who are wanting to unite their own personal calling with their money making abilities. The author of the article said to ask ourselves what we have ever done that we have been utterly happily absorbed in. To make a list of those things and start with that. She goes on to explain how to find that pathway to a career choice from there - for that you can look up Oprah`s November 2010 magazine. I`m still working on that first point. It`s been rather enlightening. I am surprised to find that there are few things that I get totally absorbed in and many things that I get bored with. This is good. Well, it helps narrow things down a bit anyway. I love introspection for one. Which is why I may never get past that first question.
What is it you do that totally absorbs you and leaves you happy? Do you have things you do that fit into that category? Okay, let`s get rid of the sex activity for those of you to whom that`s the first thing circling in your mind. I don`t think the author is suggesting you make money in that area but go on enjoying it for sure.
Think about it. Are you at a place in your life where you want to be fulfilled now? Is the thrill of the job you`ve been in totally gone replaced by boredom that has you watching the minute hand of your clock? If not -great - just keep on keeping on. But if so, well, maybe you are where I am. And there is another season after this one, if we`re so blessed.
Enjoy today. Live in this moment while planning on having another. If you`re still in that place where the kids rule, then live there. Know, however, that there are other seasons to come. It can be a pretty exciting life if we let it be.
Now though, I'm realizing that the stage and place in my life for total absorption in the lives of the children is passing. "There is a time for all seasons and a season for all things." (misquote from a proverb or psalm). I'm not exactly sure what season I'm in right now but I know it is different than before.
Oh, the seasons that I've had. I've had the time of dolls, cars, Easter bunny and Santa clause - childhood wonders and continual discovery. I've idolized my mother and thought my father was as handsome as Elvis Presley (the young one of course). I had the zits and the moodiness, the uncertainty and aloneness of those teenage years. 'I kissed the boys and made them run', exploring a more feminine side of myself. I studied, learned that I knew so much and not much at all. I entered a lifelong love commitment, started a family and lived in babyland for too many years to go into. Now the horizon is a shade of orange - it's a different shade than I've seen before although I've heard talk of it. And it's exciting.
I've done a couple new things lately. I've started running as I mentioned in one of my latest entries. I've taken a stained glass class and discovered that I was correct in thinking I would absolutely love it. One more class to learn to do the welding and then an acid etching bonus class and I'll be on my way to creating my own masterpieces - something I'm looking extremely forward to. I'm writing more and attempting to reignite my latent drawing talents. I guess I feel like I'm on a new road.
Are you on a new road? Which season is it in your life right now? Are you able to live in this moment and enjoy it? You know, I look around my house and see the litter of past seasons. There are still a few baby toys about. There are tons of paper things I have to decide how to organize (how many pictures your three, four, seven, ten year old drew is necessary to keep for those later years when you ... what exactly do people ever do with those drawings?) I have half done crafts from when I was doing crafts; tons of cut outs for quilts when I started my quilting; office supplies from a long dead business; pictures of the past forty-some years of my life. All of these things cluttering up my house and my head. I don't want to ever part with the lessons I've learned or the laughter I hear from the memories those things bring to mind but I also only seem to have room for so much. Are you cluttered with stuff in your living space or only in your head?
Fulfillment - personal fulfillment - seems to be pressing out from within me. I want personal fulfillment. I want a sense of a job well done. I want a sense of time passing in a pleasant whirlwind of achievement and personal satisfaction. I want continued love and laughter surrounding me and I want love and laughter to spring forth from within me - spilling everywhere.
Is that too much to ask?
It doesn't feel like it is right now. I don't care too much if I look sexy - although I love feeling sexy. I don't care too much if what I do meets with 'their' approval - although I want to accomplish things. I feel like right now I`m looking for recognition from myself.
Oprah may be criticized my some and revered my many but recently I read such an interesting article in her magazine about those women who are wanting to unite their own personal calling with their money making abilities. The author of the article said to ask ourselves what we have ever done that we have been utterly happily absorbed in. To make a list of those things and start with that. She goes on to explain how to find that pathway to a career choice from there - for that you can look up Oprah`s November 2010 magazine. I`m still working on that first point. It`s been rather enlightening. I am surprised to find that there are few things that I get totally absorbed in and many things that I get bored with. This is good. Well, it helps narrow things down a bit anyway. I love introspection for one. Which is why I may never get past that first question.
What is it you do that totally absorbs you and leaves you happy? Do you have things you do that fit into that category? Okay, let`s get rid of the sex activity for those of you to whom that`s the first thing circling in your mind. I don`t think the author is suggesting you make money in that area but go on enjoying it for sure.
Think about it. Are you at a place in your life where you want to be fulfilled now? Is the thrill of the job you`ve been in totally gone replaced by boredom that has you watching the minute hand of your clock? If not -great - just keep on keeping on. But if so, well, maybe you are where I am. And there is another season after this one, if we`re so blessed.
Enjoy today. Live in this moment while planning on having another. If you`re still in that place where the kids rule, then live there. Know, however, that there are other seasons to come. It can be a pretty exciting life if we let it be.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Addictable
Can a person be addicted to popcorn? What about writing in a blog? What about reading a blog? Or reading period? Are these things addictable? And if not then what makes an addiction, an addiction?
There is some debate on the matter to be sure. Traditionally the term addiction has been applied to those things that involve psychoactive substances, intefering with normal brain functioning. These would be things such as drugs and alcohol. There are those professionals who add psychological dependency to the qualifications of those things which are addictable adding things such as pornography, sex, and gambling to the list of addictable items. Still others put computer games, exercise, and shopping into the mix. Oh, and food is definately in there in one of the categories.
It seems to me, based on my playing with addictioin, that there is a chemical thing going on. Research shows the chemistry of the brain is temporarily altered when subjects view errotic pictures. Runners will speak of the 'natural high' they get from running. And if you've ever watched a teenager playing a video game you've seen some sort of personality change happen infront of your eyes.
So what do we do about this? How do we live with addiction or avoid becoming addicted? Sorry I don't have an answer. My own personal solution has been to change things up often. And so, I've just finished most of a series of books that I found utterly amazing and could only put down to do the most basic of functions. There is one more book left but I don't as yet have it so I'm going to do my best to put it on my Christmas wish list and wait for a month to continue reading it. But now I've started running. And I'm eating popcorn. Considering the posting I did a couple postings ago the popcorn needs to go even if it is becoming lunch rather than a snack. But that is just what I do. Hopefully running will last at least as long as the book series did.
What is your addiction? Can you say? Do you think some people are more disposed to addiction than others? Some researchers say it is so. Are some of us doomed to be chained to an outside pull that, once started, becomes out of our control?
Just a thought.
There is some debate on the matter to be sure. Traditionally the term addiction has been applied to those things that involve psychoactive substances, intefering with normal brain functioning. These would be things such as drugs and alcohol. There are those professionals who add psychological dependency to the qualifications of those things which are addictable adding things such as pornography, sex, and gambling to the list of addictable items. Still others put computer games, exercise, and shopping into the mix. Oh, and food is definately in there in one of the categories.
It seems to me, based on my playing with addictioin, that there is a chemical thing going on. Research shows the chemistry of the brain is temporarily altered when subjects view errotic pictures. Runners will speak of the 'natural high' they get from running. And if you've ever watched a teenager playing a video game you've seen some sort of personality change happen infront of your eyes.
So what do we do about this? How do we live with addiction or avoid becoming addicted? Sorry I don't have an answer. My own personal solution has been to change things up often. And so, I've just finished most of a series of books that I found utterly amazing and could only put down to do the most basic of functions. There is one more book left but I don't as yet have it so I'm going to do my best to put it on my Christmas wish list and wait for a month to continue reading it. But now I've started running. And I'm eating popcorn. Considering the posting I did a couple postings ago the popcorn needs to go even if it is becoming lunch rather than a snack. But that is just what I do. Hopefully running will last at least as long as the book series did.
What is your addiction? Can you say? Do you think some people are more disposed to addiction than others? Some researchers say it is so. Are some of us doomed to be chained to an outside pull that, once started, becomes out of our control?
Just a thought.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Little Piece Of Contraversy
Do you remember the heated abortion debates? What about the concerns regarding putting condom dispensers in high school bathrooms? Remember the 'well they're going to do it anyway so lets equip them with what we can to protect them' attitude versus the 'we mustn't do anything to give any impression of approval.' Both attitudes have merrit but has the debate ever been won?
I find in life there are so many times in which the decisions we need to make take one of the above directions. It seems that the times now favour the first approach where we open our eyes to what is happening around us and do what we deem necessary to guard those who are stepping out of the box. In so doing, have we changed society?
There is a fear that has been growing for years within the Christian community as families that had professed to be followers of the Church leave it in droves. What is happening to these people? Are they able to maintain their basic belief systems outside of an organized religion? Do they move to a more evangelical style of Christianity or do they abandon their beliefs altogether? Is there anything out there holding the moral fabric of our society in place or has it, like the Church, been erroded by ancient philosophies, more modern cases of abuse, and a lack of addressing the present?
You know, I'm not a Biblical scholar but having been around the church most of my life I have observed much. I have read my Bible and listened to sermons. I've done Bible studies and heard the interpretation of others supposedly more learned than myself. I've prayed and opened my heart to hear God. What I have seen is that God, while constant, interacts with His people in different ways in different eras. So I tend to favour the attitude that change is a good thing - hard, of course, but still a good thing. I really don't think that God is afraid of change. If we follow the belief that God created the world and all that is in it, then we can't help but observe that these creations of His change. There are the seasons of course. There is the growth of everything. There is too, the evolutionary changes that we cannot ignore. As humans we've introduced our own types of changes with things such as breeding, travel, thought. Change is part of the structure of our earth; the structure of our lives.
Not all change can be seen as good. And this is where that other attitude comes in. If we allow ourselves to acknowledge and address the physical outcomes of moral discretions, then are we ourselves contributing to the decay of moral order? Some would argue that it is the moral order itself which needs to be changed.
The argument goes around and around and around. However I do fear that the easing up of moral boundaries has and will continue to lead people down pathways of individual character crisis. There are times in our lives for strict, clear rules. "STOP" at the stopsign. "Do Not Touch' the hot burner. and the like. And then there are times when we need to put our own brain to work, question what is being asked of us, and make our own decisions. Society cannot rule us always. God, by His own admission, has given us free choice. I don't believe He really thinks we will choose His way all of the time. I hope He has gives some allowances to us independent minded sloths.
Anyway, I'm not trying to solve anything here. I was just thinking about all of this for some unknown reason and thought perhaps you might have thoughts aswell. Feel free to comment if you choose. I enjoy hearing other people's thoughts on things. But no matter what you decide to do; what your thoughts are; or if you agree with what I've written, be sure to have a great day!
I find in life there are so many times in which the decisions we need to make take one of the above directions. It seems that the times now favour the first approach where we open our eyes to what is happening around us and do what we deem necessary to guard those who are stepping out of the box. In so doing, have we changed society?
There is a fear that has been growing for years within the Christian community as families that had professed to be followers of the Church leave it in droves. What is happening to these people? Are they able to maintain their basic belief systems outside of an organized religion? Do they move to a more evangelical style of Christianity or do they abandon their beliefs altogether? Is there anything out there holding the moral fabric of our society in place or has it, like the Church, been erroded by ancient philosophies, more modern cases of abuse, and a lack of addressing the present?
You know, I'm not a Biblical scholar but having been around the church most of my life I have observed much. I have read my Bible and listened to sermons. I've done Bible studies and heard the interpretation of others supposedly more learned than myself. I've prayed and opened my heart to hear God. What I have seen is that God, while constant, interacts with His people in different ways in different eras. So I tend to favour the attitude that change is a good thing - hard, of course, but still a good thing. I really don't think that God is afraid of change. If we follow the belief that God created the world and all that is in it, then we can't help but observe that these creations of His change. There are the seasons of course. There is the growth of everything. There is too, the evolutionary changes that we cannot ignore. As humans we've introduced our own types of changes with things such as breeding, travel, thought. Change is part of the structure of our earth; the structure of our lives.
Not all change can be seen as good. And this is where that other attitude comes in. If we allow ourselves to acknowledge and address the physical outcomes of moral discretions, then are we ourselves contributing to the decay of moral order? Some would argue that it is the moral order itself which needs to be changed.
The argument goes around and around and around. However I do fear that the easing up of moral boundaries has and will continue to lead people down pathways of individual character crisis. There are times in our lives for strict, clear rules. "STOP" at the stopsign. "Do Not Touch' the hot burner. and the like. And then there are times when we need to put our own brain to work, question what is being asked of us, and make our own decisions. Society cannot rule us always. God, by His own admission, has given us free choice. I don't believe He really thinks we will choose His way all of the time. I hope He has gives some allowances to us independent minded sloths.
Anyway, I'm not trying to solve anything here. I was just thinking about all of this for some unknown reason and thought perhaps you might have thoughts aswell. Feel free to comment if you choose. I enjoy hearing other people's thoughts on things. But no matter what you decide to do; what your thoughts are; or if you agree with what I've written, be sure to have a great day!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Here I go again!
Oh am I excited! I've decided to take up the gauntlet and fight once again to regain control over my body. This has got to be the one zillionth time I've done this. I don't recommend this to anyone by the way. Yoyoing is a horrible way to go throughout life. Deprivation and indulgence - that's my cycle. I understand there are psychological reasons why I do this. I'm working on those things for sure. But for now, this not fitting into my jeans thing is way too old. I am NOT buying clothes in a larger size. Of course I'm currently stretching any pant I can wear to its outermost limit so I'm not fooling anyone. LOL!
Anyway, I've decided that it's either deprive myself of tidbits and morsels of totally unreasonable foods or deprive myself of feeling sexy in my skin - and I like feeling sexy in my skin so it's back to the drawing board.
My next door neighbour is sick of her after baby weight. (Her baby is now three) She decided to do her own thing following the Weigh Watcher program. In my vast experience, unless you have an accountability buddy, programs don't generally last so she and I are going to be accountability buddies. She's losing twenty-five pounds. I'm fitting into my jeans.
Tomorrow we start so I have loaded up on popcorn, chocolate chip cookies and am going out to dinner tonight and plan on having a few drinks. It's traditional to start a program by having a good binge before hand - similar perhaps to having that one last fling before you get married. (Okay, just for prosperity, I didn't actually HAVE one last fling before I got married but you get the idea) It's also not really advisable to go on a binge before you start a program - in fact it is down right inadvisable - puts your sugars in the wrong place and forces you into a place of withdrawal but since when has logic prevailed when you have an eating disorder?!
Wish me luck. I will undoubtedly keep you poor people posted as starving dieters tend to be strangely self-centred. If I never mention this topic again, it probably means I'm still on a binge.
Enjoy today!!!
Anyway, I've decided that it's either deprive myself of tidbits and morsels of totally unreasonable foods or deprive myself of feeling sexy in my skin - and I like feeling sexy in my skin so it's back to the drawing board.
My next door neighbour is sick of her after baby weight. (Her baby is now three) She decided to do her own thing following the Weigh Watcher program. In my vast experience, unless you have an accountability buddy, programs don't generally last so she and I are going to be accountability buddies. She's losing twenty-five pounds. I'm fitting into my jeans.
Tomorrow we start so I have loaded up on popcorn, chocolate chip cookies and am going out to dinner tonight and plan on having a few drinks. It's traditional to start a program by having a good binge before hand - similar perhaps to having that one last fling before you get married. (Okay, just for prosperity, I didn't actually HAVE one last fling before I got married but you get the idea) It's also not really advisable to go on a binge before you start a program - in fact it is down right inadvisable - puts your sugars in the wrong place and forces you into a place of withdrawal but since when has logic prevailed when you have an eating disorder?!
Wish me luck. I will undoubtedly keep you poor people posted as starving dieters tend to be strangely self-centred. If I never mention this topic again, it probably means I'm still on a binge.
Enjoy today!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Armour anyone?
So how many shots does it take to your armour before you are perforated with bullets? Seriously, I'm curious. Obviously I'm using some sort of metaphor here. I do not currently own a suit of armour and am doubtful you have one either. I'm talking about that invisible suit you wear to keep yourself yourself. It's the shell that protects you from emotional pain - the layer that prevents you from being influenced.
Let me elaborate. You wake up and you feel great. Maybe you even exercise - something you've been planning on doing for the past few week. Things are off to a fabulous start. You drink you water. You eat your breakfast. Perhaps you meditate. And then you take the kids to school and/or go to work or go get groceries and a variety of things happen. One of the kids decides they shouldn't wear a coat although it is pouring rain out and throws it off as you are getting into the car. One kid yells at another as you are getting them buckled in. Someone honks at you as you stop to let some random kid walk in front of your car. One of the kids decides he doesn't want you to leave and bursts into tears and now you are consoling your child and the clock is ticking. Traffic is heavy and you arrive at work too close to start time for comfort and the elevator is full so you have to wait for the next one and now you really are late. Or the parking lot at the grocery store is full of people walking where they shouldn't be and not caring about the fact that you are waiting with a line of cars behind you and a line of cars coming towards you as you pull into the lot. Someone gives you the finger. Are you still feeling peaceful and in control?
How many of these bullets does it take you before your armour is full of holes or battered beyond repair? Is that number constant? Are you better at defence on some days rather than others? It seems that way with me but I am curious about others. Is it just my personality? How many others moods can be changed by the moods of others? Please, I'd be interested to know.
Personally, I think we've got to get better armour. But how do we do that? How do we arm ourselves to protect our fragile egos or our fragile sense of selves? Because every day we face battles. Even if you lock yourself in your home and stay there, you will be faced with battles. Trust me. Been there, done that.
Forgive me a moment as I turn to the Bible - that book that some of you would rather I not turn to - but seriously, the Bible uses the analogy of armour to protect the people of God from the hostilities of evil and I think we can use this for our own well-being.
So, in the Bible it says "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with ther readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God..." Ephesians 6:14-16
I think when we face the bullets of the unknown who barrage us with their ammunition, we need to follow this advice. We need to keep that truth that we are special and capable and strong belted around our waist all day long. We need to protect our heart with the breastplate of confidence. Our feet should be wearing a pair of shoes that are prepared for the fact that there will be a challenge we need to be ready for. The shield of faith could be your spiritual faith or simply a faith in your own abilities despite those trying to tell you differently. The helmet of salvation - well, we need a helmet to keep that brain safe against psychological attack but I'm not sure what an equivalent to salvation is in secular terms. Something that would help us to remember that we are intelligent as well as helping us remember to keep things in perspective. The sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God could be simply words of affirmation about ourselves. I know I've used phrases for years such as 'I am beautiful' and 'I am a good thinker', repeating them to myself in the morning or evening or whenever I feel like those opinions of myself are being attacked, to help keep my self-esteem higher than it could be.
You are special. You are intelligent. I don't know what your unique ability collage is but you do have one. You have beauty in you. You can overcome. You can survive. These are things we need to keep at the forefront of our minds and hearts. We must rely on ourselves to build ourselves up. It is our own responsibility and we must not wait for others to take it on for us.
It's a fact that there will be days when the rain seems to be slowly melting us into a puddle of useless mush. There will be days when we feel like we are stretching to meet the sun. But perhaps we can keep who we are closer if we are suited up against attack. Thankfully this is all philosophical. I don't particularly think I'd enjoy walking around looking like a knight. That armour seems rather heavy to me. But I can wear our analogical armour around all the day long. Can you?
Let me elaborate. You wake up and you feel great. Maybe you even exercise - something you've been planning on doing for the past few week. Things are off to a fabulous start. You drink you water. You eat your breakfast. Perhaps you meditate. And then you take the kids to school and/or go to work or go get groceries and a variety of things happen. One of the kids decides they shouldn't wear a coat although it is pouring rain out and throws it off as you are getting into the car. One kid yells at another as you are getting them buckled in. Someone honks at you as you stop to let some random kid walk in front of your car. One of the kids decides he doesn't want you to leave and bursts into tears and now you are consoling your child and the clock is ticking. Traffic is heavy and you arrive at work too close to start time for comfort and the elevator is full so you have to wait for the next one and now you really are late. Or the parking lot at the grocery store is full of people walking where they shouldn't be and not caring about the fact that you are waiting with a line of cars behind you and a line of cars coming towards you as you pull into the lot. Someone gives you the finger. Are you still feeling peaceful and in control?
How many of these bullets does it take you before your armour is full of holes or battered beyond repair? Is that number constant? Are you better at defence on some days rather than others? It seems that way with me but I am curious about others. Is it just my personality? How many others moods can be changed by the moods of others? Please, I'd be interested to know.
Personally, I think we've got to get better armour. But how do we do that? How do we arm ourselves to protect our fragile egos or our fragile sense of selves? Because every day we face battles. Even if you lock yourself in your home and stay there, you will be faced with battles. Trust me. Been there, done that.
Forgive me a moment as I turn to the Bible - that book that some of you would rather I not turn to - but seriously, the Bible uses the analogy of armour to protect the people of God from the hostilities of evil and I think we can use this for our own well-being.
So, in the Bible it says "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with ther readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God..." Ephesians 6:14-16
I think when we face the bullets of the unknown who barrage us with their ammunition, we need to follow this advice. We need to keep that truth that we are special and capable and strong belted around our waist all day long. We need to protect our heart with the breastplate of confidence. Our feet should be wearing a pair of shoes that are prepared for the fact that there will be a challenge we need to be ready for. The shield of faith could be your spiritual faith or simply a faith in your own abilities despite those trying to tell you differently. The helmet of salvation - well, we need a helmet to keep that brain safe against psychological attack but I'm not sure what an equivalent to salvation is in secular terms. Something that would help us to remember that we are intelligent as well as helping us remember to keep things in perspective. The sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God could be simply words of affirmation about ourselves. I know I've used phrases for years such as 'I am beautiful' and 'I am a good thinker', repeating them to myself in the morning or evening or whenever I feel like those opinions of myself are being attacked, to help keep my self-esteem higher than it could be.
You are special. You are intelligent. I don't know what your unique ability collage is but you do have one. You have beauty in you. You can overcome. You can survive. These are things we need to keep at the forefront of our minds and hearts. We must rely on ourselves to build ourselves up. It is our own responsibility and we must not wait for others to take it on for us.
It's a fact that there will be days when the rain seems to be slowly melting us into a puddle of useless mush. There will be days when we feel like we are stretching to meet the sun. But perhaps we can keep who we are closer if we are suited up against attack. Thankfully this is all philosophical. I don't particularly think I'd enjoy walking around looking like a knight. That armour seems rather heavy to me. But I can wear our analogical armour around all the day long. Can you?
Friday, November 5, 2010
I realized something today
OMGsh! I realized something today. I realized that I love what I do.
Okay, so it went like this. I've been having weeks of endless dimness despite the warmth and strong sun we are having here on the coast. This morning I woke up wrestless and unhappy and SO tired of starting another day the same way. (I'm waiting for test results to tell me that my body is falling apart so I will have something to blame this lethargy on). I heard my husband in the kitchen getting ready to take our son to hockey. It was 5 am. - insane - anyway, I shuffled out to watch him prepare his lunch and he told me perhaps I should go back to bed. (I must have looked prrrrety bad) So, like any good wife, I dumped on him. "Oh my life is so sad" and stuff like that. I don't remember exactly all of what he said to me but I do remember him saying something like he hoped when I figured out what I wanted that I still wanted what I have. I eventually went back to bed for a few minutes and when I got up again, something felt a little different.
In the shower I found myself remembering what I wanted to do when I grew up. You know, back to that highschool time when everyone was asking us 'what do you want to be? what do you want to do?' I remember being a bit confused. I wanted to be a lawyer until my dad sat me down with his lawyer friend and he told me how it was. I wanted to be a teacher but my mother kept telling me that would be best for me so I totally rebelled - like, how could SHE know what was best for me. (I was such a stupid kid) I wanted to work in social work 'cus I thought I could help people. I wanted to be a youth pastor 'cus it looked like SO much fun. I wanted to be a writer and an artist - painter preferably. And I wanted to eventually get married and have four kids and play games and go for hikes and laugh and laugh and be best friends with my partner for the rest of our lives, living in progressive harmony to a point of where somehow we changed the world for the better. Simple dreams.
Well, like I said, I changed my mind on the lawyer thing. I rebelled on my mother with the teacher thing. I worked in social work for a while by working in group homes and working in day mods. I worked in the school system as a teacher's assistant. And now I write and am trying my hand at various artistic things though that hasn't made me any money yet. AND, I got married and had a big family like I wanted. However I have noticed my big family hasn't been playing games and going for hikes and laughing and laughing that much lately. Nor have I been doing much with my best friend partner other than smiling at each other across the diner table and cosying up together at night.
Back to the shower. So I'm thinking about all of this while I'm having a shower and I start wondering why my family is so 'blah' these days. Why aren't we playing together and doing things together and why aren't my husband and I attempting to change the world. And I come to the conclusion that it has something to do with me.
We underestimate our power sometimes, us women. We allow this society we've built to tell us what to do and how to feel and which roles to fill. Society hasn't always been this way you know. Remember Cleopatra? She was most likely the most powerful lone female ruler of all time. And part of the reason she was, was she had plenty of role models of strong, authoritative females to go by - although none became as powerful as she. Some suppose this had something to do with the worship of Isis. Isis was the goddess of motherhood, magic and fertility (thus says Wikipedia and it rings well with my memory of mythology aswell) Worshiping such a goddess would quite possibly elevate the status of women themselves.
I'm not Cleopatra - just so you know. But I still weild a strong amount of power. And the climate in my home is my responsibility. Okay, you may not agree with this for yourself, but in my case, with a dream of a happy family so long in the making - well, I believe it is. Working from home, I'm here. I can put the food in the oven so that the house smells inviting. I can make sure the fire is on so the place is warm. I can light the candles and have the place cosy. I can smile a 'I'm so happy to see you' smile the moment any one of the family arrives and laugh and listen to them as they recount the adventures of the day or feed them their snacks and let them have their own time after the stress of their school day. After all, this is what I wanted: a family - my family.
I'm not responsible for their individual happiness. It's certainly not my fault that they may or may not enjoy their chores at home. If they had a fight with one of their friends or got a bad grade on a test it isn't my responsibility. I'm also not the reason they lose their temper or get out of control. But I am responsible for the level of involvement I have in their lives. I can give them a safe place to come home to. I can see they are fed, warm, clean and loved. And, to toot my own horn, I'm kinda good at it. It's who I was born to be in the same way I believe I was born to be a writer.
That doesn't mean all women need to do what I do. That is an illogical conclusion. Some people just know what they are to do. I am to mother. I mothered my brothers and sisters when I lived at home. I mothered when I was the president of our youth group. I mothered when I was an employee at the group home. I mothered at the day mod and I somewhat mothered when I was a teacher's assistant. I've done other things with my time to make money but I have to say that aspects of motherhood have been in all of those. I am a mother. And there is alot of power in being a mother. It's just our current society doesn't agree. You may argue that but then we'd definately disagree. For one thing, what kind of society who values the power of the mother takes the mothers away from the children. It would appear we believe that the only way for children to be properly raised is for standardised systems to raise them. The governement is getting more and more involved with child care where we live and it is scaring me for sure. Unless society thinks mothering is such an important and powerful thing that only governed societal systems can manage it. Hmm.
But that isn't what this message is about. It's really just about me. LOL! And me realized today that I love what I do. I'm good at it. It isn't something just anyone can do. And it is a very powerful position to be in. I control the climate at which this family spends a significant portion of their time. I can create a safe, comfortable and affirming place for these people to spend their days or not.
Maybe you are a mom or dad. Maybe you know a mom or dad - lol! Take a look at those whom you know invest time and effort into such a position. Is there a difference with them or with those that live with them? Perhaps you can't put your finger on it. It could be simple a level of confidence radiating from them. It could be a contentment from the caregiver. Or it could be something you can't see at all.
Regardless I see that I have power. I have power in other areas aswell but that will be a subject for another blog. For now, have faith in what ever you do if it is what you were born to do. If you haven't realized yet what it is that you were born to be or do then be patient with yourself because you really will see it one of these days. Perhaps on a day when you are whiny. Perhaps in the shower.
Bye for now. Enjoy today. :)
Okay, so it went like this. I've been having weeks of endless dimness despite the warmth and strong sun we are having here on the coast. This morning I woke up wrestless and unhappy and SO tired of starting another day the same way. (I'm waiting for test results to tell me that my body is falling apart so I will have something to blame this lethargy on). I heard my husband in the kitchen getting ready to take our son to hockey. It was 5 am. - insane - anyway, I shuffled out to watch him prepare his lunch and he told me perhaps I should go back to bed. (I must have looked prrrrety bad) So, like any good wife, I dumped on him. "Oh my life is so sad" and stuff like that. I don't remember exactly all of what he said to me but I do remember him saying something like he hoped when I figured out what I wanted that I still wanted what I have. I eventually went back to bed for a few minutes and when I got up again, something felt a little different.
In the shower I found myself remembering what I wanted to do when I grew up. You know, back to that highschool time when everyone was asking us 'what do you want to be? what do you want to do?' I remember being a bit confused. I wanted to be a lawyer until my dad sat me down with his lawyer friend and he told me how it was. I wanted to be a teacher but my mother kept telling me that would be best for me so I totally rebelled - like, how could SHE know what was best for me. (I was such a stupid kid) I wanted to work in social work 'cus I thought I could help people. I wanted to be a youth pastor 'cus it looked like SO much fun. I wanted to be a writer and an artist - painter preferably. And I wanted to eventually get married and have four kids and play games and go for hikes and laugh and laugh and be best friends with my partner for the rest of our lives, living in progressive harmony to a point of where somehow we changed the world for the better. Simple dreams.
Well, like I said, I changed my mind on the lawyer thing. I rebelled on my mother with the teacher thing. I worked in social work for a while by working in group homes and working in day mods. I worked in the school system as a teacher's assistant. And now I write and am trying my hand at various artistic things though that hasn't made me any money yet. AND, I got married and had a big family like I wanted. However I have noticed my big family hasn't been playing games and going for hikes and laughing and laughing that much lately. Nor have I been doing much with my best friend partner other than smiling at each other across the diner table and cosying up together at night.
Back to the shower. So I'm thinking about all of this while I'm having a shower and I start wondering why my family is so 'blah' these days. Why aren't we playing together and doing things together and why aren't my husband and I attempting to change the world. And I come to the conclusion that it has something to do with me.
We underestimate our power sometimes, us women. We allow this society we've built to tell us what to do and how to feel and which roles to fill. Society hasn't always been this way you know. Remember Cleopatra? She was most likely the most powerful lone female ruler of all time. And part of the reason she was, was she had plenty of role models of strong, authoritative females to go by - although none became as powerful as she. Some suppose this had something to do with the worship of Isis. Isis was the goddess of motherhood, magic and fertility (thus says Wikipedia and it rings well with my memory of mythology aswell) Worshiping such a goddess would quite possibly elevate the status of women themselves.
I'm not Cleopatra - just so you know. But I still weild a strong amount of power. And the climate in my home is my responsibility. Okay, you may not agree with this for yourself, but in my case, with a dream of a happy family so long in the making - well, I believe it is. Working from home, I'm here. I can put the food in the oven so that the house smells inviting. I can make sure the fire is on so the place is warm. I can light the candles and have the place cosy. I can smile a 'I'm so happy to see you' smile the moment any one of the family arrives and laugh and listen to them as they recount the adventures of the day or feed them their snacks and let them have their own time after the stress of their school day. After all, this is what I wanted: a family - my family.
I'm not responsible for their individual happiness. It's certainly not my fault that they may or may not enjoy their chores at home. If they had a fight with one of their friends or got a bad grade on a test it isn't my responsibility. I'm also not the reason they lose their temper or get out of control. But I am responsible for the level of involvement I have in their lives. I can give them a safe place to come home to. I can see they are fed, warm, clean and loved. And, to toot my own horn, I'm kinda good at it. It's who I was born to be in the same way I believe I was born to be a writer.
That doesn't mean all women need to do what I do. That is an illogical conclusion. Some people just know what they are to do. I am to mother. I mothered my brothers and sisters when I lived at home. I mothered when I was the president of our youth group. I mothered when I was an employee at the group home. I mothered at the day mod and I somewhat mothered when I was a teacher's assistant. I've done other things with my time to make money but I have to say that aspects of motherhood have been in all of those. I am a mother. And there is alot of power in being a mother. It's just our current society doesn't agree. You may argue that but then we'd definately disagree. For one thing, what kind of society who values the power of the mother takes the mothers away from the children. It would appear we believe that the only way for children to be properly raised is for standardised systems to raise them. The governement is getting more and more involved with child care where we live and it is scaring me for sure. Unless society thinks mothering is such an important and powerful thing that only governed societal systems can manage it. Hmm.
But that isn't what this message is about. It's really just about me. LOL! And me realized today that I love what I do. I'm good at it. It isn't something just anyone can do. And it is a very powerful position to be in. I control the climate at which this family spends a significant portion of their time. I can create a safe, comfortable and affirming place for these people to spend their days or not.
Maybe you are a mom or dad. Maybe you know a mom or dad - lol! Take a look at those whom you know invest time and effort into such a position. Is there a difference with them or with those that live with them? Perhaps you can't put your finger on it. It could be simple a level of confidence radiating from them. It could be a contentment from the caregiver. Or it could be something you can't see at all.
Regardless I see that I have power. I have power in other areas aswell but that will be a subject for another blog. For now, have faith in what ever you do if it is what you were born to do. If you haven't realized yet what it is that you were born to be or do then be patient with yourself because you really will see it one of these days. Perhaps on a day when you are whiny. Perhaps in the shower.
Bye for now. Enjoy today. :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Just a peek of a story I'm working on
He sat down in the easy boy chair and ran a weary hand through his hair, making it stand up all poky like the comb of a rooster. She could tell he was tired. His whole body spoke of overwork. He glanced out the window. "Rain again," she heard him mutter.
There were times living in a rain forest seemed unbearable. Compelled by an invisible force she moved over to where he was sitting, gently placed herself upon his lap, and tenderly kissed his cheek. He gathered her to himself and whispered in her ear, "Now this is what it is all about. This is why I go out there." She didn't respond other than to try to hold him even closer. "Life is tough sometimes," she thought to herself, feeling a tear in her heart as she wished somehow she could make it all better. "Tell me it's all going to be okay," he softly demanded to her.
"It's all going to be okay," she replied.
"Good," he said, "Sometimes I forget."
--an excerpt from "Daniel" by NABK
There were times living in a rain forest seemed unbearable. Compelled by an invisible force she moved over to where he was sitting, gently placed herself upon his lap, and tenderly kissed his cheek. He gathered her to himself and whispered in her ear, "Now this is what it is all about. This is why I go out there." She didn't respond other than to try to hold him even closer. "Life is tough sometimes," she thought to herself, feeling a tear in her heart as she wished somehow she could make it all better. "Tell me it's all going to be okay," he softly demanded to her.
"It's all going to be okay," she replied.
"Good," he said, "Sometimes I forget."
--an excerpt from "Daniel" by NABK
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