Loneliness by Nancy Kelly

I’m 41 years old, married, and have 5 children between the ages of 2 ½ and 17. I’m surrounded by people most of my waking hours and yet I have periods of intense loneliness.

The dictionary defines loneliness as “affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.” I define it as being a time characterized by mental and emotional boredom. It creeps in on me unpredictably and will stay as long as I allow. I have found through talking with other women that this experience is not unique to me. “Women are lonelier and busier than ever these days,” says Lisa, a 40 year old high school teacher, wife, and mother of three. “Even knowing that they need time for themselves doesn’t help because taking time for themselves is the last thing they would do.” Lisa believes that what every person needs is to connect with another person on a daily basis. She takes this philosophy into the classroom and makes it a goal to connect with one student a day. “Just to have a moment when you look them in the eye and they look at you so you can show them you know they are a person and they can see that you are one too. Then you tell them what they need to do, or whatever, and you’ve had that moment. It’s the same thing with women,” she continues, “but they won’t take the time to do that for themselves. So they get their moments while waiting for their kids at school or lessons, or watching their kids play baseball or whatever – just to connect, even for a brief moment, is what we need.”

In this age of working women, self-driven to meet unrealistic expectations of wife, mother, income provider, etc… women are more fatigued than ever and perhaps aren’t as equipped to fight off those feelings of loneliness. I watch as my peers pick up their kids after working their jobs, to feed them in the car while driving them to their next dance, lacrosse, hockey, or baseball practices. The mothers whom I know that stay at home, most always are working on side projects to bring in money to their households. The day begins and ends hustling kids to and fro while the laundry sits and the dirty bathroom calls for any unoccupied moment that may arise. Suddenly, and it can happen in the midst of the activity, loneliness swoops in. Personally, it sometimes takes me a few moments to recognize it. I just know I’m not having any fun and I find myself wishing my husband was home or one of my friends would call.


I recognize that loneliness is not only a female condition, nor is it a 21st century phenomenon. Thomas Wolfe, an American short story writer from the early 1900s said “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.” I believe we all yearn to have that ‘connection’ that Lisa talks about. Do you recognize that need in yourself? What do you do to combat the feeling of loneliness? What advice could you offer others based on your own experience? I’d love to hear from you.