Emotional Tampon

Okay, so I've only recently heard the term emotional tampon. I'm not sure if it's been out there for a while but most likely it has and I've just not heard it or retained it. But what a curious term.

The way in which I heard it was as one person explaining themselves to another person, as in "I've been such an emotional tampon for her." I stored away the reference but found, as I was surfacing from a dream that I was back in high school, this term shouted itself to me and so, I have to write.

An emotional tampon, now what would that be? Well, the emotional part isn't too difficult to define. We all have emotions. The tampon bit, well, again, for half the genders we experience this all too frequently. It's purpose being to soak blood up and away from the body. It is of a temporary nature as it is pulled out and then discarded after use. So, I suppose an emotional tampon would refer to someone who feels they are being soaked with emotions, pulled out and discarded; it would mean that person feels disposable or that their only purpose is to allow the absorption of emotions into themselves and away from the one who is using them.

Ya, I can see that term as being applicable in some situations. A councellor would be an emotional tampon of sorts. However I also think that the term 'emotional tampon' is meant to be a negative. It doesn't sound like it is a compliment although life without tampons isn't as clean, I can tell you that, and I know I certainly appreciate them. I wouldn't imagine you'd hear people refer to themselves as an emotional tampon when they are feeling fufilled in this role though. There are much better terms for that. For me the term that would be used then is friend.

I cannot count the people in my history who have served a role of listener of emotional baggage for me or for whom I have served this role myself. Being that I just returned from a dream of my puberty, I remember when I was a teenager going for walks with different people as dusk turned to night. We lived in a small town that crossed a river. The lights in the old houses warmed the streets as we walked through them. There were rarely other people out walking. The whole atmosphere invited confidentiality. Depending on who was with me, I would be pouring out my heart about how I couldn't wait to get out of this town or listening to others about their hearts and their crushes and planning on how we could make things all work out. To some people I was the listener. To other people I was the one doing the talking. I don't remember feeling like an emotional tampon. I remember feeling respected. Wow,for someone to be able to confide in me the things they confided in me,they must really trust me. The topics may seem trivial now, but at the time, they were things that moved those people, things they felt they couldn't tell anyone else. Those times still linger in the back of my memory and I smile when I think of them. Oh how we knew that where we were going was better than where we were. LOL.

Ironically, one of my best emotional tampons moved across the country just like I did and is raising her family out here close to me. When we'd walk around town - she was my most faithful tampon - we'd plan how we were going to break free and go west. Those days we felt emotionally as well as physically trapped by the closeness that was small town living.

Of course the term emotional tampon also implies one sidedness. There is no way a tampon is able to excrete those emotions to the giver. I am sad to admit that I have indeed used others in that way from time to time. The friend I mentioned above is a case in point. However over the years there has been more balance. I wish somehow I'd been able to balance it even more but, well, she is an emotional tampon by trade now, so it kinda comes too easy for her to keep that role with me. I think we've done pretty good and I really try to be a listening ear.

I wouldn't want any of my friends to feel they are this kind of friend to me. Sometimes I can feel the balance of a friendship shift too much one way or the other. When it is obvious to me that we are at the brink of me using that other person without giving back, I do what ever I can to re-establish balance. I have found though, that there are times in life when that is just the way it is. Sometimes our need to be heard, to talk, to figure things out 'out loud' are so prominent that they almost speak of self-centredness. It's a danger yet it's also a condition that usually balances itself out given time.

Sometimes those friends don't wait around for this balance to even out. I've had that happen too. Too emotionally drained, they run away before you can give anything back. I bet it's those people that would consider themselves used as an emotional tampon. It would be good to have a chance to apologize to those people and tell them you understand. I tried that once too. I apologized to a friend that I had vented to one too many times and then she avoided me to the point of us totally losing touch. When I happened to encounter her on an outing, I approached her and apologized. Her response was, 'What? I don't know what you're talking about. You were always a great friend." Well, either the memory dims, she was being polite, or those are just things you don't apologize for - lol! Most likely the latter. Honesty with people can be a bit tricky.

Anyway, just a ramble about a term I found intriguing. If I've ever treated any of you like an emotional tampon then I apologize because it wasn't intentional. I obviously just needed a friend. If someone else has treated you thusly, then I'm pretty sure it is the same for them. If you can, wait it out until balance is re-established. If that time period is too long, then yes, move on down the road. Friends that don't give are most definately too draining to keep and it is most likely damaging to the psychy to see yourself as an emotional tampon.